Speak and Wander #1 : How it started

Walking down an empty road as the midnight has passed, windows have been closed above my head, locking out all the madness of the day, since the people inside have survived, they could take a break and move one tomorrow.

Hey, you must be reading me, right? That little mess of mine that tries to catch your attention. No, please, just hold yourself and do not leave yet. My story has not even started so calm down and take a breath. Grab a pillow, take a seat and make yourself comfortable because this might take a while. Or maybe more than that. The story of mine could absorb your time but I hope it’s worth it. I hope.

My name is Steven. Steven Reid. Or at least, this is written on my ID. I used to go with that name when I was younger. Some people mignt have said it fits with my idiocrasy. I still womder why. But this part should be left for another time and place, you could be lucky  to find about it if you stay longer.

I am writing those words as I sit on a bench close to the sea. I could hear light waves as they spread along the surface of the sea. That’s how it usually sounds, I am sure I am not hallucinating. My earphones are plugged in my ears but they still cannot cover the sound of the water. Quite the atmosphere to begin my story.

It all started one common, cloudy morning in the office, just like each and other day. After a rough awakening, eyes still trying to open, a coffee cup on one hand and, as I have half – eaten my slice of yesterday’s night pizza with the other hand, dressed myself as formal as I used to and I grabbed my bag to leave. Jump on my bike and started pedaling as fast as I could. No more than fifteen minutes to arrive and place myself behind a desk and my computer. Waiting for me as usual to work. But this time, it was different.

“What happened to my computer Cliff?” I remembered myself asking a partner of mine that was sitting next to my desk “I have tried at least five times in a row and my working buddy doesn’t seem to be on the mood for something like that”.

He had just shaken his head with no worry but curiosity about my situation. Surely, he didn’t have a clue about what was going on with my machine. And I won’t blame you for not having a clue this time Cliff. But in the process, you might take the blame for some things.

“Don’t know buddy. Did you tried to unplug it, it might have a problem of connectivity or with the power provider”.

“Oh come on Cliff, it’s not a damn Game Boy to take out the cassete and blow inside to clean it up”.

“But you could try also, you have nothing to lose from that” you have said.

Until today, I wonder why I listened to your “advice”. Propably I was over with possible ways to revive it or any other explanations to my problem. Or I have taken your words for granted. And that’s how I got myself in the beginning of the unpredected. Of what I wasn’t aware of.

I hold the socket with my right hand as I try to unplug the computer with my left. No no, I am not left-handed as you may guess. Just that moment I prefered this side. The plug made sparkles of lost electricity as it got out and I fall back terrified. Next, my “working buddy” turned off and it wouldn’t turn on again, even though I plugged it back again and repeated the same procedure. Damn you, Cliff.

“Now it doesn’t even open! I am going to lose all my files. Oh God, the job of six months has gone to the trash! Why did I listen to you?” I have shouted to him “now what?”.

“Calm down man. Relax and take a breath. Don’t be a madhead. There must be a proper way to fix this.”

“Like what you clever? Hit it with your fist to make it obey you back again like a caveman?

“Funny. We can call the IT service that the boss is using to maintain and update our computers once in a while. They have their way into fixing stuff like that”.

“And what I am going to tell – Excuse me, boss, my computer has dropped dead for a while and I need some geek to revive it right away because I am going to fail the project we have preparing?!” I derided.

“Exactly this, it gives the other the right message you want. Let me make a call to his secretary to see if he is in his office.”

I should have stopped him. Or maybe not. You could have a word in all of that. Until we reach the end. Then, you could look back and say if I was unlucky or hit the jackpot. The point is that he managed to talk with his personal secretary but he seemed that he was out for a while. She was sweet enough, as Cliff has mentioned to call the service for us in person. A member of their team was on the way.

“See? He will be there and the pc guy will fix it and you will manage to continue your work without further disturbance, Steve”

“It’s Steven, Cliff. Don’t just cut letters from my name. I have told you I hate that” I said and I turned myself the other way to hide my anger. Better stay cool around other people and especially collegues, my father used to tell me. You never know when you might need somebody.

“Anyway, he might be close, the store is not far away from the office” he had said.

Oh lord, he was right. We didn’t count the minutes. And soon enough, tic toc, we heard a knock on the door. It opened slowly for a slim figure to enter.

And then, she appeared.

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As I rush to catch up with everything

One of the themes for this post was supposed to be about fears, those frightened emotions somebody might have because of unexpected, usually, or even sudden and out of the program events. That could be the general idea you might get from this introduction.

But I would like to talk about a major thing that could have made me feel insecure many times in the past. And that is the possibility of lack of control over something.

Being a youngster with my mind over my head, daydreaming during most of the lectures in my school or even expressing myself through “creative projects” (as I like to call my sketches despite the outcome of the illustration) but being the older brother in my family, I prefered having everything as I wanted in my own way, with my own terms.

And then, it comes. Million of possible scenarios running in my head. Until the final countdown, each and every incident that could happen, will pass by my thoughts. Even if everything is running smoothly, I will not relax until the printing bell for the end.

That could only be good if you try to get yourself engaged with one thing. But for me, my enthusiasm might take over and I will try to catch up with everything. And then, hopefully, I will not lose the Control completely over them.